Mastering the art of balance is one of the most fundamental aspects of experiencing lasting peace and joy daily. In this article, I will take you through a simple 6 step process that you can begin implementing today to move toward a place of better mental, physical, emotional, and possibly even spiritual health. This process, if practised consistently, may help you get to a place where you are able to make better present moment decisions for yourself and move away from harmful coping mechanisms.

Are you living the kind of lifestyle that requires you to perform high quality levels of work at the drop of a hat, work for long hours until early hours of the night or come up with creative solutions to problems on a daily basis? Do you experience lulls of creativity blocks, uncertainty about the where the next income check will come from, clients who don’t know what they want or aren’t willing to pay you what you’re worth, imposter syndrome and other mental challenges? Does it feel like you keep latching onto negative habits to cope, or do you simply just feel as if you’re constantly living in stress-mode?

With so much going on all at once, you might not even remember the last time you had a moment to catch your breath.

I have news for you – Firstly, you are not alone, secondly this kind of living is not normal and lastly, there is a way you can begin to manage it all.

We as human beings were designed to thrive, just like any other living creature in nature, we have optimal cycles and internal processes that, if regulated correctly, are designed to make sure we live happy and healthy lives. The only reason we are able to feel stress in the first place, is as a protective mechanism against real danger – for example if we are being chased by a predator, our adrenal glands would activate and cause us to be able to run faster, be stronger or whatever it is we needed in that moment to survive. BUT then, once the danger was gone, we would go back to our normal, fully functioning selves, possibly needing to rest to recharge our energy. Our adrenal response was not meant to be running consistently. In fact when we are constantly stressed, we use up a lot of our energy that would have been supporting an optimally functioning body, on a desperate attempt to “survive”.

Our bodies do not know the difference between “daily stressors” such as a prolonged lack of sleep, or real danger such as a lion chasing us. Also, the area of the brain that is responsible for reasoning is less likely to function properly when we are in a stressed state, which is often why people can feel or act “crazy” when really stressed out.  In a world that pushes us to perform and to simply keep pushing ourselves beyond our own limitations, how do we cope with the overwhelming nature of things?

If you don’t know where to begin, perhaps try to start implementing these six steps into your daily life.

The steps are:

1. Cultivating awareness.
2. Reflection.
3. Listening to your body.
4. Making a decision.
5. Letting Go.
6. Implementing Action.

• Cultivating Awareness:

You cannot expect to know how to respond to life’s challenges if you do not have the awareness as to what the problem is. Cultivating awareness doesn’t happen overnight. It is something that you learn over time through consistent intention and desire to create a better life for yourself. Awareness means the ability to recognise the reality of a situation or the ability to recognise one’s internal response to life before acting out on a thought or behaviour that is potentially counteractive to the situation.

Ways in which you can begin to cultivate internal awareness to know yourself better is to keep a journal. Notice how you are feeling throughout the day. What ticked you off? What made you smile? When did you feel inadequate, hurt, happy, annoyed, ignored, proud arrogant etc.? Become the observer of your responses – try to approach it without judgement. In this stage you simply want to notice it, just as much as you might notice a cloud passing by. Notice how you respond to things. Good and bad. For example, you might notice that you had a cigarette when you really didn’t want one. Keep it simple. Once you have generated a better all-round view of yourself and your responses, you can begin to move toward the next step which is Reflection. 

• Reflection:

In this stage there is only one vital ingredient you need to commit to if you want to get it right – Reflect on things WITHOUT judging yourself or others. Often when we reflect, we use it as a method to beat ourselves up for all the stuff we did wrong, or we shift blame onto others. In the reflection stage you can ask yourself – what have I been feeling?

 In this case, try to keep it practical and short. E.g. Awareness =Today I had a cigarette when I did not want one.Reflection= I really have not been sleeping well because I have been stressed about the project I need to finish, and I had an argument with my partner this morning before work. I feel tired, and I feel angry and a little hurt and so I felt as if a cigarette would make me feel better.

Awareness allows us to seewhatwe are doing. Reflection allows us to understand why we are doing it.

• Listen to your body:

The next step requires you to slow down, which might be tough for some. Realise that when you are stressed, the most important thing in the whole world is to bring yourself to a state of calm. Without doing that, nothing will seem to work properly. If you feel that you don’t have “the time” to slow down – here’s something you might not have heard before – you can slow down internallyeven if everything around you is chaotic. How? Because youget to choose how you respond internally to the things around you. This stage also takes practise, but it gets easier the more you do it. Ask yourself the question, what do I really need right now? Do you need rest? Water? Do you need a hug? Also ask yourself what does my body notwant right now. I.e. you may think you need that extra cup of coffee to stay awake, but perhaps a glass of water and a few stretches would do the trick to get your blood flowing and your brain alert again?

• Make a decision:

Once you have become aware of what you’re doing, you’ve contemplated some possible reasons for why it is you’re doing it and you’ve asked yourself what it is you really need in that moment, you then get to choose! Yes, you heard me right… every single thing you do in your life comes from a place of decision. And yes, while that decision may be driven by unconscious beliefs that may require you to begin digging a little deeper, it is still a decision. And you can decide todayto not listen to the thoughts that no longer serve your best life. Funnily enough, people often think that deciding means we will suddenly start “getting it right”, but that’s not the case. If you want to stop smoking, you first need to decide to stop smoking, and you’ve got to keep making that decision as long as you still want it as a part of your life. Often though, we do not actually believewe have the option to choose, but we do!

Once you realise how easy it is, you’ll never want to turn back!

• Letting Go:

This is often the hardest part which people often get very wrong. We want to make decisions based on what we think the outcome might be, but nothing is concrete (as we have clearly seen this year because of COVID-19 – anything can happen). When you decide, before acting on it, you need to let go of the attachment to the outcome. The truth is that you may not get it right first time, you may not succeed at the thing you are trying to do. It may blow up in your face! But it also might be amazing, you may be successful, you may find happiness beyond your wildest dreams! It is really a 50/50 chance, so why not believe in the positive 50%? And trust in the fact that if things do not go “as planned” that there is always something you can learn and grow from when you “fail”. You have also got to let go of what others may think of you. There is a saying is that you cannot save your face and your ass at the same time – you need to begin making decisions that are right for YOU and no one else. At the end of the day, if you are not ok, then nothing around you will be ok. So, let go of judgement, of comparison to others, of the outcome. If you’re struggling to let go, then simply thinking of the fact that you would liketo let go, and imagining what it would feel like if you were able to let go of the outcome, is the first step!

• Implementing Action:

This is the last step, but it is vital to the transformational process if you are wanting to implement change or to achieve goals in your life. The important thing is once you’ve made the decision that is best suited to your optimal functioning, and you have let go of the outcome of your action, you need to follow through with the action and stick to it as best you can. Many people fall short when it comes to follow through. For example – I go loopy when I do not sleep well, and I know that looking at screens late at night means I don’t get to sleep properly. So, I had to make the decision to switch off all screens at least 1 hour before I go to sleep. Sometimes it’s a challenge, but I find 100% of the time, when I follow through with this action, I am far more productive the following day. Following through on a decision is where the magic happens.

In Conclusion:

So, if you are finding yourself stuck in negative habits, behaviours or coping mechanisms the trick is to follow these six steps because they help you to look at what is going on internally – after all, you aren’t going to be able to develop and maintain healthy coping mechanisms if you aren’t able to create awareness of and navigate your internal self. It is an inside out job. Once you begin cultivating that internal stillness, you naturally will be able to start making better decisions and ultimately turning to healthier coping mechanisms.